My name is Chris Caputo. Today, I am one of the Co-founders of Hesed Discipleship Network. I have over 27 years of experience serving others in various roles. I graduated with two Masters Degrees and have worked as a Pastor, Church Planter, Discipleship Network/Movement Catalyst, Prayer Missionary, and Professional Therapist. I have also owned multiple businesses.

Before I surrendered to Jesus, I experienced ongoing trauma, addiction, and PTSD for the first two decades of my life. I needed significant healing from Jesus and various spiritual family relationships. These past several years, I became both a recipient and a perpetrator of Church hurt. I share this information to provide readers with context about my Kingdom worldview and experience with Church community life.

Therefore, let's explore some fundamental patterns and cycles of Church hurt that people continue to experience year after year. These patterns contribute to a persistent and ongoing culture of "Church hurt." We will begin with three dynamics perpetuating this cycle."

1) Ongoing Rupture Culture

It's important for people of faith to prioritize relationships over problems, disagreements, and differences in opinion.

 Unfortunately, many Christians struggle with this while lacking the skills to repair damaged relationships. To prevent toxicity and division, it's crucial to develop systems and structures for repairing relationships after a rupture occurs. Without an intentional focus on repairing relationships, people will feel unsafe sharing difficult things, hindering their ability to heal, grow, and thrive, especially in extended spiritual families. Awareness, modeling, practice, and relational skills are essential in developing this necessary skill.

2) Transactional-Based Relationships

We don’t know how to have mutually satisfying relationships.

During the developmental stage of children between the ages of 3 to 12, they are supposed to learn the skills of how to take good care of themselves. But when children are not given the permission, resources, or guidance to do so, this can have negative consequences on their relationships in adulthood, affecting the Church community as well.

When families fail to provide the necessary relational skills training to children, and a safe, loving environment, they grow up to become spouses and parents who struggle to maintain healthy and fulfilling relationships. This has led to a widespread epidemic of transactional-based relationships, where people end up in unfulfilling, one-way relationships with no end in sight. This trend can create significant relational problems for church-family expressions.

Lack of Gentle Protectors

A gentle protector is someone who loves well when it’s difficult, can make relationships bigger than problems, is skilled in removing toxic shame from situations, and is a model of emotional health, stability, and maturity for a Jesus-centered community.

Upon attending seminary, Pastors and Church leaders are trained in theology (hermeneutics), effective preaching of God’s word (homiletics), apologetics, spiritual formation, organizational/staff/ ministry teams’ development, fundraising/building campaigns, congregational care, small groups strategy, children’s ministry, etc...

What I have learned recently from many seminary graduates is that seminary education did not have any classes available on HOW to love one another, which was stunning to hear. In fact, many friends and ministry leaders with seminary degrees have confirmed this, which included stories of how Professors and Instructors told their students during class not to “get TOO close to those in your ministry and or congregation.”

I found this reality to be equally fascinating as it is troubling.

Summary

Perhaps the time has come, for the sake of God’s people and His family, for seminaries to re-examine the type of education provided that will effectively equip leaders to overcome and prevent “Church hurt.” Though it is no one’s fault, given all the beautiful and sincere Pastors/ministry leaders serving our Churches and congregations, the time has come for both leaders and everyday disciples of Jesus to work together and take responsibility to create both a spiritual and emotionally healthy culture.

The first step is to be “Church hurt” aware.

The next step, as there are significant gaps in our current models of theological education, is to engage with other Christ-centered training ministries and organizations that can help create intentional, relational discipleship pathways that are Biblical, Christ-centered, heart-focused, and include relational skill development.

Finally, pray that Jesus would release creative, contextualized models and solutions, along with laborers who know how to build heavenly systems and structures that reflect an emotionally healthy and spiritually mature Christian community.

 **For more information about Church hurt, and how to address this effectively, click HERE to enroll in your FREE Masterclass!

Chris Caputo

Hesed Discipleship Network/Organizational Development Champion