Loving Yourself Well: The Key to Loving Others Authentically

One of the most misunderstood principles in the life of faith is the importance of loving yourself. Many of us have been taught that loving others means putting ourselves last, that self-denial equals self-neglect. But this isn’t the example Jesus set for us, and it’s not the path to authentic love. The truth is, learning to love and respect ourselves is foundational to loving others well. Without it, we operate from depletion instead of overflow—and God didn’t create us to live burned out and boundary-less.

In Mark 12:31, Jesus tells us to “love your neighbor as yourself.” That little phrase “as yourself” matters. How can we truly love others if we don’t first understand how to love ourselves? If we constantly think poorly of ourselves, neglect our emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, or allow others to cross boundaries we haven't firmly established, then what kind of love are we offering to those around us? A fragmented, exhausted version of love is not what God calls us to extend.

Loving yourself begins with recognizing your worth—not from a place of pride, but from the truth of who God says you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10). You are chosen, redeemed, and deeply loved. Honoring yourself because of your identity in Christ is not selfish; it’s obedience. When we learn to see ourselves the way God sees us, we begin to treat ourselves with the dignity and care He desires for us.

Part of that care is setting boundaries—with others and even with ourselves. How can we hold others to boundaries if we can’t do that with ourselves? Boundaries are not barriers to love; they are the structure that protects and nurtures love. When we overextend ourselves, when we say “yes” to everything and everyone out of guilt or fear of rejection, we step outside of the rhythm of grace God designed for us. Instead of living from a place of peace and purpose, we spiral into resentment, fatigue, and disconnection.

Boundaries also help us grow in discipline and self-respect. Telling ourselves “no” to things that drain us or pull us away from God’s best is just as important as telling others “no” when needed. Loving yourself means recognizing your limits, honoring your capacity, and choosing obedience over people-pleasing. This is how we live in abundance.

Ultimately, what we pour into ourselves is what will overflow to others. If we fill our hearts with God’s truth, extend grace to ourselves, and choose to honor the life He’s given us, then what flows out of us will be authentic love, not obligation. We can serve others joyfully because we’re not running on empty.

So embark on the journey to learn to love yourself well—not with arrogance, but with the deep reverence that comes from knowing you are a beloved child of God. Respect yourself, set boundaries, and let your life be an overflow of the love you’ve received and given to yourself, as well as what you've received from others and from Father.

This is how we love others well. Not from striving, but from fullness. Not from burnout, but from blessing.

By Rebecca Jo Caputo