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Emotionally Healthy Community (7 Minute Crash Course)
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S.A.L.V.E is a Minimum Viable Skill Set Within an Overall Relational Discipleship Framework
It has been utilized and tested for years and has helped many others build an emotionally healthy community.
This ancient Hebrew word is the concept of peace with many dimensions such as wholeness, completeness, soundness, health, safety and prosperity and carries with it an implication of permanence.
Through the practice of Shalom, we will become a non-anxious presence in the life of our three, and they in ours. It is an understatement to say we encounter free-floating anxiety pretty much everywhere these days – at work and school, in our organizations, in politics, and in our homes and families. We can sense our muscles tightening, our jaws clenching, and our blood pressure rising when the anxiety of others creeps into our psyche and hooks us emotionally, physically, and even spiritually.
Being non-anxious doesn’t mean we don’t feel fear, anxiety, depression, or panic. Being non-anxious means we learn to identify our own anxieties and process them with Jesus and our three in a healthy, Gospel-informed way. As we learn to do this, we can become the “shalom presence” in a tense situation, the listening ear, and validating voice that helps another return to shalom.
The easiest way to build the capacity for joy in more extraordinary measures is through appreciation.
Telling someone what you appreciate about them in an authentic, heartfelt way has tremendous benefits to the soul and spirit of both the ones giving and receiving. Practicing this skill goes a long way to building someone up and helping to mirror/reinforce/strengthen the most authentic identity in Jesus. When meeting with your three, this critical skill is the easiest on-ramp to begin the process and build a healthy, long-term love bonded friendship.
Joy is relational. It’s that feeling that someone else is gladder than GLAD to be with me, that I am the sparkle in someone else’s eye from across the room. There is a neurochemical reaction that can happen between people when we are glad to be with them. An exchange of neurochemicals can build a feeling of joy and a highway of neural pathways that dramatically impact one’s identity to the core. Neuroscience has named the location behind the (right) eye, the right orbital prefrontal cortex, as our “identity center.” It’s the place where we act like ourselves and in our fullest expression as individuals.
By understanding that we are essentially a soul-body unity, we can see that we can flourish spiritually only by engaging both our souls and bodies in the process of growth in Christ.
A bellwether is a leading indicator of essential things that are unseen but coming. When we ignore the bellwether, we will likely lose something of value or get left behind, missing the window of opportunity. A bellwether, when heeded, can facilitate readiness and success. Interestingly enough, the Scriptures tell us God will use our body as a bellwether.
The Spirit is sending you leading indicators through your body. When we learn to listen to our bodies, we will gain insight into both the unseen portions of our being (soul), as well as where the Lord is leading us. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit! Your soul and body are one, and both inform the other. “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.” Colossians 3:16
He says, “Don’t be anxious about anything.” In other words, “Listen to your body, the unitive experience of your physical and spiritual dimensions. When you feel the tension, notice it, and stop.”
“I SEE YOU, I HEAR YOU, I UNDERSTAND”
Today, we can decide to begin a new relational rhythm by practicing validation. The EASIEST place to start is with your three that you’re in the process of cultivating a securely attached, hesed love bonded relationship with. The most straightforward place to practice is the next time someone close to you begins to share intense negative emotions regarding a neutral situation with you personally. At that time begin to NAME the emotion they are feeling. Recognize just how intensely TRUE these emotions feel for the person and identify where and when this person began to feel that way in that situation.
In the heat of the moment, these feelings are THEIR TRUTH, though it may not be OUR INTERPRETIVE TRUTH nor the GOSPEL of Jesus’ Truth from the Word of God. If we do not learn validation, acknowledging, and identifying someone else’s truth in these vulnerable moments it leads to broken trust. The love bond might only loosely exist. Communication may become fearful and unhealthy, as well.
With enough practice, repetition, and intentionality, you will see your relationships exponentially become more emotionally healthy.
“Maturity is about reaching one’s God given potential. It means maximizing our skills and talents, and using them effectively while growing into the full capability of our individual designs.” (Living With Men by Jim Wilder)
Emotional Maturity is the final acrostic letter for the S.A.L.V.E. framework. In this skill, we seek to comprehend the different levels of Emotional Maturity. At each level, we need to understand the Personal Tasks and Family Tasks of Emotional Maturity. No one can become emotionally mature alone; it must be developed in an extended spiritual family and (preferably) a hesed triad.
We learn and practice the relational skills of emotional maturity with our three and our twelve spaces. Finally, we will also look at the consequences of emotional immaturity on you and your most important relationships. These stages are taken directly from the book "Living from The Heart Jesus Gave You" by author Dr. Jim Wilder. Jim and his team at Life Model Works have compiled the best scientific research and cross-cultural studies of families with firm Biblical teaching on healthy relationships.
This framework was designed to help usher in personal wholeness while forging emotionally healthy communities around the person of Jesus.
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